a convo of important thoughts

4:05 PM Jen: james franco with a date http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2009/02/23/movies/0223-REDCARPET2_12.html

4:06 PM me: ew
i'm gonna kill that bitch

Jen: seriously
a blonde
we have no chance

me: how dare she attend the oscars with my boyfriend?!!

Jen: MY boyfriend!!
OURS

me: maybe they are just friends?

Jen: weird he didn't ask mike to ask both of us to go with him!

me: maybe she is his sister or cousin?

Jen: probs not

4:07 PM me: that is disappointing

Jen: he seems like "hey check out this babe i am with!"

me: well, i must admit i spent the better part of an hour trying to find out if he was currently "involved" last night

Jen: there's not too much info like that on him around

me: no

Jen: i guess he's too busy being in class to get in those magazines

me: it was all old girlfriends n stuff
yea

4:08 PM he's too busy being smart and cool
and totally fucking dreamy

Jen: yeah

me: would you try to talk to him if you saw him

Jen: i made up that he is vegetarian too
i don't konw
probably not

me: i think i would

Jen: what would you say "oh, hey! you're my celebrity crush!!!"

me: maybe i wouldn't say something but i would try to wink at him

4:09 PM or is that too pervy?

Jen: you would do that think where you make a peace sign and stick your tongue out through it

me: definitely

Jen: and he'd be like "oh, hey! you seem cool. what's up?"

me: i would blow him a lot of kisses

4:10 PM Jen: i would pinch his butt

me: i would flash my titties at him!!!!!!
hahahahaha

Jen: hahah

me: would you dump alan for him
these are the insane thoughts i think of all day

Jen: i think that too

me: the weird inane things that cross my mind

Jen: i told alan i would have to date him one time at least
and alan is like, what are you talking about?

me: me too
4:11 PM one date

Jen: it is really crazy how obsessed with him i have become!

me: to see if there is chemistry

Jen: he was so babes in milk!
right
just to check it out

me: i know
he is just so charming

Jen: did you watch pineapple express?

me: yes
so funny
4:12 PM i mean, it's not an incredible story anything

Jen: i still think seth rogan is annoying and his whole thing is tired
but i liked it

me: but there are so many classic lines

Jen: and loved JF

me: you can tell they are just riffing
jf is so cute when he talks about his bubby
you can tell he is a really sweet person irl

4:13 PM Jen: totally
irl the cutest
did you hear him on terri gross
?
i couldn't work, i was too busy being charmed and in love

me: a few weeks ago
or today?

4:14 PM Jen: yeah months ago even

me: yea
i heard it

Jen: when milk first came out

me: it was great
he paints in his free time
that's what he told her
i wonder what he paints

Jen: monkeys in trees

me: he is a half swedish half portuguese jew

Jen: sunsets

me: pugs n kitties

Jen: cats

4:15 PM me: how hot is that mixture
half swedish half portuguese jew
way exotic
this convo should totally be in teen beat zine

Jen: we should write for them

me: dear teen beat,
4:16 PM we will write all james franco related features
love,
streets
jen n megan

Jen: love, streets
we will also write about how ugo pretty much everyone else is
penelope cruz won
that's cool
but i thought it was weird bc that movie was so eeehhh
4:17 PM but she was great.

me: she was
she deserved it
pedro amoldovar wrote this really cute blurb about her in the ny times zine a week or two ago

Jen: cute
4:18 PM i hope scarjo never wins anything

me: basically saying that she is the brave continuation of a history of mediterranean women who basically yell their lines
the passion
like sofia loren, etc

Jen: she is great

me: i hate scarjo

Jen: me too

me: she can not act

4:19 PM Jen: not at all

me: i hate anne hathaway also for basically no reason

Jen: she always wears really ugo clothes to places, too
me too
WELL
i heard!
she used to do it to someone someone that worked at stripes went to college with
and they said she was bad at doing it
A hathaway
FYI

me: i really hate natalie portman too, but it comes and goes
4:20 PM well, caitlin meissner's old roommate kimmy's boyfriend cody hung out with scarjo

Jen: i don't like her either. but then i think, why don't i like her? she is cute vego

me: because apparently he was friends with tegan and sarah because he met them on makeoutclub.com
and scarjo is tight with tegan and sarah

Jen: woof

4:21 PM me: yeah, i think that too about natalie portman

Jen: could you imagine scarjo calling you? in that dumb voice

me: because i like that thing she did on snl
and i liked her short in that movie paris, je t'aime
so i like natalie sometimes
but most of the time i h8 her

4:22 PM Jen: whatevs

me: zac LOVES natalie and scarjo
but i think he loves them to piss me off

Jen: scar jo is inexcusable

me: because i love so many celeb boys
my dad also loves scarjo
eww
so gross
4:23 PM i love jf and emile hirsh and cillian murphy and luke wilson
jf the most tho
luke wilson is kind of old and can't act
oooo, i love this french actor louis garrel
i like dark haired, kinda handsome jew-y looking guys

4:24 PM Jen: jew bombs

me: like zac, only celebs

Jen: i like spock
http://gofugyourself.celebuzz.com/go_fug_yourself/scarlett_johansson/

me: see i like keira knightly and think she is a bobo natalie portman
only british and cooler

Jen: look at how bad she always looks

me: i can't believe natalie portman was dating devendra banhart

4:25 PM Jen: did they break up?

me: idn
back to the ny times pic of jf and date
4:26 PM i like that they identify her as "guest"
do you think it's one of his classmates at one of the many universities he attends

Jen: who knows
maybe
she is very attractive

me: we need to crash that class

Jen: and skinny
and wearing a really expensive dress

me: yeah
that dress is nice
4:27 PM but she is kinda "birdy" looking
i don't think she is that special
just blonde and skinny

Jen: she looks like american beauty
the girl

4:29 PM me: yeah
she looks like a bratz doll
4:31 PM god
jen
us weekly and ok and people need to hire us to be the commentators on all these award show and celebs
4:32 PM we are knowledgeable and funny and our opinions MATTER

Jen: it would be great
if we were the next go fug yourself!!
4:33 PM well
we obviously will have to blog about celebs
and just post gmail chats

me: twin blog has potential

4:34 PM Jen: i have the flu
i have just been looking at celeb pix in bed ALL DAY
me: :(

4:37 PM Jen: do you want to go to HJNTIY w or thus?

me: yes
we will eat lots of popcorn

Vicky Christina Barcelona otherwise known as Woody Allen's Dreams of Threesomes

Last week Jen and I went to see Woody Allen's new film, Vicky Christina Barcelona.

Wow.

Woody Allen is a fucking pervert jerk and I hate him.

I don't even know where to begin. How about this...there were several moments towards the end of the film where I was leaning into Jen's ear whisperning, "Are you serious???" or mouthing "This movie suxxxx" repeatedly.

Walking home from BAM, I had to reproach myself. Was it really as terrible as it felt while I was stuck in my theater seat? No, probably not. I mean, I get it. Woody Allen is typically existential, kind of posing the preposterousness of human condition and the things we do/the situations we create for ourselves or find ourselves in. Like, to quote D. Higgs, "love is love" and it's love whether it's a ménage à trois or a commitment in the form of a legalized, institutionalized marriage, what have you. It's what you make it, whatever you choose to commit yourself to, because what is a relationship except a promise that you uphold, a commitment that you make, over and over again?

But, underlying that, I feel like Allen is a woman-hater, or rather, such a woman-lover, a womanizer, if you will, that his female characters always come off as cheap, petty, insane and inane, the kind of yesterday's papers that are easy to forget and dismiss.

Overall, Vicky Christina Barcelona basically felt like a playground for Woody Allen to live out his "two girls for every guy" fantasies and gape at Scarlett Johansson's stupid pouty lips and big hoots.

UGH.

I have something to tell you, Woody Allen, girl CAN NOT act. Why does she carry so much cred? Don't understand, never will. Her role fell absolutely flat, just killed it, made the whole god damn movie so painful to watch.

And poor Rebecca Hall, casted basically to fill the role of Scarlett's wet blanket, brunette lookalike. The old adage is true, according to VCB; Blondes do have more fun.

Javier Bardem and Penelope Cruz were a pleasure to watch. I agree with Jen's observation that Cruz proves better when acting in Spanish as opposed to English, but she is just so mesmerizingly beautiful. Call me out on my double standard, I don't care.

I think my chief complaint, however, is the blatant overuse of linen in the costuming. Really? Do people really wear linen around the clock in España? I'm all for easy breazy comfort, and I can only imagine how hot summer can be in Barçe, but need every character in VCB look like they are walking around in potato sacks?

I rest my case.